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by Isaboo
Summary: AU after ME1. After defeating the Reapers, Shepard is tired. Maybe she went on one too many "Assignments" for Admiral Hackett. Maybe the Consort groped her one too many times. Maybe there were too many lights, too much noise. It's still Kaidan's fault.
1. Prologue: Eight Months

A/N: Okay, so this is going to be a joint effort in imagination. We're going to pretend, together, that Shepard went off and defeated the rest of the Reapers in Dark Space quite handily within a few months of ME1. This is just a prologue, but tell me if you like it and I'll see about continuing (pestering me will improve chances of updates, by the way...procrastination is a specialty of mine).

Disclaimer: Sad, but true. I don't own Kaidan and his cute nerdiness and nerd dancing. I content myself with my real nerd boyfriend, who is a good stand in, I admit.

Prologue:

"I'm going on an extended vacation. I think I've earned it. If you have real need of me, I'll know it and come back, otherwise, I prefer not to be bothered. Thank you for the honors bestowed upon me." The vid cut off, leaving the council in shock.

The message had been left on a storage device in Commander Shepard's quarters, found by a curious Tali who'd gone looking for the Spectre. She hadn't been seen in a few days, disappearing shortly after the ceremonies in honor of herself and her crew for the defeat of the Reapers. The short vid had been addressed to the Council, but the crew of the Normandy had watched it before passing it on.

For several minutes, nobody in the Tower moved. Some forgot to breath.

The celebrated hero of the galaxy, she who had saved them from death and worse, the unstoppable force behind humanity's new prestige, had left.

While the Council fell to arguing the pros and cons of hunting her down, the Normandy was filled with contraband liquor as Shepard's crew toasted her health and wondered when she'd be back.

* * *

Three weeks later, nobody had entered her quarters, not even the new CO of the Normandy, Captain Richardson. He knew better than to alienate the entire crew by disturbing the privacy of their Spectre's sanctum. He was also aware that the Normandy would be back in Shepard's hands if she ever surfaced again, so he had better treat the ship well.

* * *

Nearly two months after Shepard left, Councilor Anderson received an encrypted message, giving him coordinates and a date for a rendezvous in Maroon Sea.

* * *

A month after that, Anderson had the dubious honor of being the only person to know where the missing Shepard was hiding.

* * *

Eight months after Shepard's disappearance, a man entered her quarters during the night watch. His eyes rested on the bunk, still mussed from Shepard's restless sleep the night before she left. Everywhere his gaze fell, another memory surfaced.

_Why am I doing this to myself?_ His hand reflexively rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture of unease or embarrassment that had been repeated many times in Shepard's presence. _I'm going to drive myself crazy._

Feeling the beginning of a migraine building behind his eyes, Kaidan sank into the desk chair, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. There were too many memories here. That's why he avoided this room for eight months.

Their first kiss by the door. The surprisingly tender love making on the bunk only hours before defeating Sovereign. The days when they would lay together, just holding on and receiving comfort from each other.

The day when he finally found the courage to admit he loved her. The day, weeks later, when he finally told _her_. The smile that she reserved for him alone.

The argument. The shouting, the crying. Every thing she said, and everything he said in return. Her telling him to get out, and him leaving. The day he found out that she had left them all.

Kaidan didn't think that this headache would be going away anytime soon.

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A/N: Review! Pester! Bother me with praise or criticism! You can even fill the reviews with nothing but commentary on why chocolate chip cookies are the best freakin' idea ever.


	2. Chapter 1: Why she hit Manuel

A/N: Okies, here's the first real chapter. No Kaidaney goodness for now, but he'll get some time in the spotlight soon enough. Enjoy, and tell me your honest opinion.

Disclaimer: I don't even own a copy of the game, I just monopolized my boyfriend's for a week after he bought it. I certainly don't own Shepard and her boy toy.

Chapter One: Why she punched Manuel.

Twitchy colonists got under Aimee's skin. Their beady eyes, nervous voices and unsteady hands inspired her desire to hit things. Of course, if she started knocking out every tweaker in the place, she'd be a bit more noticeable than she wanted. Nobody here knew who she was, even after six months of hiding in this developing colony. She'd never gotten how the old Superheros in comics went from everyday types to spandex wearing evil fighters without anyone noticing their secret identities, but apparently people were just that stupid.

Sure, her hair had been pretty damn short during the Reaper mess, and was now past her shoulder blades (Dr. Michel apparently had hidden skills in cosmetic medicine, and had been glad to return a favor and keep a secret). But really, longer hair and civvies wasn't the best disguise.

"But we can't just attack them! They'll out match us, and then we'll all die! Better to lose some merchandise than our lives!" Marl, the owner of the local general store, was one of the twitchiest. Aimee seriously wondered if the chronic panicker was any relation to Manuel, the lab assistant she decked on Eden Prime.

Damn, but that twit had rubbed her wrong. In her opinion, people who couldn't keep their cool in a crisis, should try to stay out of the way so that people like her could handle it. And if they couldn't do that for themselves, she was happy to help them out. Like Manuel.

_Say goodnight, Marl._ She indulged her mind with a quick fantasy of knocking Marl over the head with a blunt object.

"Dammit Marl, how long do think they'll be satisfied with bits and pieces? If we don't strike back, they'll starting taking what we can't afford to lose!" Licia Jenning, proud owner of the only bar in town, glared down the table at the twitcher.

Licia almost never twitched. And even then, it was over things that most Marines twitched about, so Shepard had never felt a need to punch her. _Maybe Licia will throw something at Marl, so I don't accidentally shoot him with a stunner._

"I don't suppose _ you _ want to go up there and take them on?" Marl squeaked back at Licia, trying to sound derisive around this near stuttering terror.

"If we all pool resources, we can find a way to deal with them, not sit here cowering like fools!" Licia seemed barely able to restrain herself, her white-knuckled hands clutching the arms of her chair.

"Calm down, both of you!" Mayor Thompson finally spoke up, giving Licia an especially disapproving glance. He was another one that made Shepard want to blow things up. "We won't accomplish anything by fighting with each other. Now, we can't afford to hire outside help, and the Alliance won't be able to get someone out here anytime soon. So, who here has combat training?"

A room of blank stares focused on him for a few minutes, before a few hesitant hands went into the air. After a moment's contemplation, Aimee raised her's as well. _I'll just play at being a techie. It's not like a sign that says "I'm a Spectre!" will start flashing over my head if I pull out the old Omni-Tool._

"Good! Now, everyone else run along, and those of you who can fight can organize your offensive here!" Evidently feeling that his job was done, the mayor stood up and headed out the door, followed by the majority of the colonists. Aimee sighed, and left her dark corner to join the others at the central table.

Hope Colony (what was with colonists and hope?) on Chasca had been experiencing a slight infestation of bandits in the nearby hills. Located in one of the picturesque valleys typical of the small amount of habitable space on Chasca, the colony was made up of mostly farmers, who were able to grow fruit native to the planet for commercial sale. The orchards covering nearby hills produced a sweet fruit similar to oranges (as much as an alien fruit was ever similar to Earth produce). All in all, they were off to a good start, and thus were obvious targets for raiders.

Shepard had established herself as the towns go-to techie for all sorts of problems. She was known for taking food or goods in exchange for services if the customer couldn't afford to pay in credits, and was therefore well liked by the farmers and disliked by men like Mayor Thompson. Obviously, nobody knew that she was _**Commander Shepard, first human Spectre and savior of humanity.**_

Here, she was Aimee Harton, a computer specialist looking for the simple life after too much time in cities. Really, she was looking for the life away from stares and murmurs and obnoxiously handsome men who never seemed to go away long enough to forget them.

Not that she had anyone in particular in mind.

"So, now that Mayor Useless has left the building, who's got a plan?" Licia, blunt as ever, stared around at the ten people remaining.

"Couldn't we just, you know, go in there and take them out?" Alton James, son of one of the towns farmers spoke up.

"Yes, and then we could all die glorious deaths by going into a combat situation with no idea who or what we were facing," Aimee scoffed, giving the kid a hard look.

"We need an actual plan, or they'll overwhelm us in a second. Aimee, how useful will you be against shields and guns?" George Sanders asked.

"I can get shields down and guns overheated pretty easily. I've got a Savant X Omni-tool at home, so I should be able to handle anything techie we need."

"Good. Now, whose got real weapons here?" Licia looked around the group with little faith.

Most of them started to raise their hands, and then thought the better of it. Only Shepard, Licia, and George had their hands up. "Alright, I've got a couple of good pistols at my place, and Shredder rounds for them, who among you uses sidearms?"

George grabbed the two men whose hands went up and said they'd be back soon. Licia looked at the remaining and sighed. "I've got an extra shotgun, but that's about it. You?" She turned to Aimee, who mentally groaned.

"I've got two assault rifles that are decent, one shotgun, and I can rig basic stuff to perform better, but they won't last long." She wisely decided against advertising the Spectre gear locked in her basement. _Now that stuff would light up that sign._

"That'll have to do. Alright, we'll go fetch our weapons, you lot stay here."

An hour later, the basic plan of attack was decided on, and everyone had a passable weapon. Shepard caressed the handle of her mocked up pistol, cleverly disguised as a Raikou. She could get away with a decent pistol, but carrying around special issue Spectre gear would be a bit too attention grabbing, so she had learned early on to disguise the true quality of her personal gear.

They were going to use some upgraded trucks from the farms as a decoy, to draw out the raiders. The vehicles had been outfitted with enough armor and weapons to pass as an attempted invasion force, and she'd installed a program on them that would let her remote-drive them up to the raiders' base. Hopefully, at least some of the scum would go after the trucks, giving her and the others a chance to get clean shots at them from their hiding spots nearby and then move into the base.

_Gonna have to keep an eye on James though. He's a bit of a twitcher._

_A/N:_ REVIEW! Yay.


	3. Chapter 2: Favors

A/N: Alright, a bit of Shepard to get things started, but mostly Kaidan and his memories. A bit of lemony goodness later on, which I'm not used to writing, by the way. Be warned, it's the big italicized section, so skip that if you don't like that sorta thing.

Disclaimer: No matter how many times I play the game, I do not own Commander Shepard and the Normandy's crew. Kinda sucks, but it's true.

Chapter Two: Favors

Alton James lay screaming on the ground while another farmer hurriedly applied medi-gel to the boy's leg. Shepard sighed heavily, glancing around to be certain that everybody was still alive. Five of the colonists had been injured heavily enough to need medical attention, and there was no way that they would be able to make the push into the raiders' base. Even George had taken a nasty shot to his shoulder, when he ran out to haul Alton back to cover, and he had decent armor.

_Kid might not be able to walk right anymore, dammit. I hate scum like these raiders._ Shepard's face became stoic as she forced herself to focus on the tactical situation, and not on the fact that civilians were getting hurt and she couldn't stop it. _I told the damn kid not to pull any heroics._

Straightening her shoulders, Aimee nodded at Licia, drawing her away from the others to talk. After the quick defeat of their initial assault, they'd pulled back into some boulders on a hill near the base. Almost every one had some damage, and the original plan was definitely not going to cut it anymore. "Licia, I need you to do me a favor."

* * *

"Alenko? What are you doing in Shepard's cabin?" Joker's voice drifted over the comm into the room, waking Kaidan. Looking around, he realized he'd fallen asleep in Aimee's bed, though he didn't exactly remember getting there from the chair. _Damn migraines._

"Kaidan? You there, buddy?"

groaning as he sat up, Kaidan started to stand. "Yeah, Joker, I'm here. I just fell asleep, is all."

"You just _happened_ to fall asleep in Aimee Shepard's old room?" Joker relied a bit too heavily on sarcasm, in Kaidan's opinion.

"Can we just keep this between us, Joker?"

"Alright. Just don't let the others catch you coming and going from there or you'll start some heavy scuttlebutt. I'm still gonna have to give you hell about this, you know that right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Buzz off, Joker. Fly the damn ship," Kaidan rolled his eyes, and then stretched for a moment, shaking off the last of his drowsiness. He'd forgotten how comfortable the bed in here was. It'd been a year since he last slept there, after all.

* * *

_Shepard was curled up in his arms, tucked against his chest as they both slept on their sides. It was a common sleeping position for them, and Kaidan had grown used to the way her body fit his. The first time he woke up like this, he had a hard time believing that Aimee would allow herself to be held so protectively, since she was so damned self-reliant normally. But after a few weeks of her being in his arms nearly every morning, he came to accept that while she couldn't allow herself to rely too much on anyone outside of this room, here he could provide her comfort and protection._

_He moved his head forward just enough to rest his nose against her hair, inhaling the subtle scent. He knew she didn't use perfume, and her soap and hair products were standard Alliance military issue, but somehow she always smelled like flowers. His eyes drifted open, and he looked down their bodies to admire the contrast of her pale form against his, wishing that he could keep her here forever._

_Aimee started to wake up when he pressed a soft kiss on her shoulder, mumbling incoherently in a sleepy voice. For someone who could take on a squad of enemy soldiers by herself and come out with a barely a scratch, she was incredibly adorable in moments like this. He knew that nobody else saw as much of her softer side as he did._

_"Morning, love," Kaidan whispered into her ear, as her eyes opened._

_Moaning softly, she rolled over to face him, tucking herself under his chin. She kissed the hollow of his neck, before snuggling into him. "Morning, Kaidan."_

_Sometimes she woke up ready to jump into uniform and yell at Joker. Most of the time, Aimee woke up ready to stay in his arms, pouting when he finally extricated himself. Of course, she would then follow him to the shower, usually resulting in fun times. Today, they had as long as she wanted to stay there, and so he was hoping that she'd woken up feeling cuddly. Or horny._

_"I like it when I give the crew Liberty. I should do that more often," she whispered, pulling away from his chest just enough to smile at him._

_"I could get behind that idea. But we might never get any work done if you gave them Liberty as often as I would want to stay in bed with you." Kaidan said, before kissing her lips softly._

_With a moan, Aimee pressed into the kiss, one hand coming up to grip his hair while the other began to occupy itself in _very_ agreeable ways down south. Groaning against her lips, Kaidan let his hands wander over her body, thanking any God who would listen that she liked to sleep naked. She gasped into his mouth when his fingers began to caress her nipples._

_"Dammit Kaidan, do me a favor and get in me now!" She tried futilely to roll on top of him, but he pinned her to the mattress instead._

_"Is that an order, ma'am?" He grinned down at her, nipping at her lower lip as she jutted it out in a pout. "Your damned cute when you pout, Aimee."_

_"Kaidan!" she drew his name out in a petulant whine, grinding up against him impatiently. He grabbed her wrists and restrained them by her head, keeping her legs pinned with his. The sudden spate of excited cursing was a very good reward for his efforts._

_"Why do you always taste so good?" He lifted his head from where he'd been kissing his way down her neck to ask._

_"Because I love you." She grinned at him, then yelped in surprise as he nipped her skin. "Baby! Please, please, please!"_

_"I love you too," Kaidan leaned up to say against her lips, kissing her as he slid into place._

* * *

"Dammit! Not a good time to think about that!" Kaidan jerked himself out of the memory, trying to think of anything but the way she writhed underneath him during sex that morning. _Dead kittens, turians, geth shock troopers, damned Thorian Creepers, icebergs...snow, Aimee naked in a hot tub on a snowy planet resort getting ready to---GAH!_Kaidan banged his head against the nearest wall.

"Damned woman needs to get out of my head!"

A/N: Woot! I wrote something lemony...I feel special. I don't normally do that, so tell me if it was good at all.

*DIRTY!!!!

sorry, I make too many off-color jokes in real life to resist that one. And it was completely unintentional when I first wrote it...


	4. Chapter 3: Kaboom!

A/N: Okay, so this is about three times as long as the previous chapters. I felt like they were too short, but I kept reaching spots where I wanted to stop because it was just such a pretty place to stop. This time, I just switched to another POV when I reached a good stopping place. This has a flashback, some conspiring, pretty flashy lights with fire and some Kaidan. More of him next time.

SHOUT OUT: First review credit must be given! NOBLAHBLAHBLAH has my undying thanks for being the first to review my story (you even beat my boyfriend, who I was hounding for an opinion...and I can be very persuasive, so props to you!)

Disclaimer: Not mine! Just borrowing for fun and games and insanity.

Special Thanks: thanks Sean, for reading! LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

It's midnight, I'm hyper.

Chapter Three: Kaboom!

Crouched behind a conveniently located crate, Aimee took a moment to catch her breath, toning out the flurry of bullets flying past her position every few seconds. After a moment to center herself, she rolled out from behind her cover and overloaded the weapons of the nearest cluster of enemies, her omni-tool casting an orange pallor over her face. She rolled behind another crate just as a sniper took a shot at her previous location.

_I really miss the crew right about now. It'd be nice to just let Wrex tear into the bastards, or set Kaidan to throwing them around. _Too caught up in the fight to realize that she had mentally admitted to _missing_ Kaidan, Shepard stood up and shot the sniper in his face. A second later, she threw a grenade at the sabotaged raiders, who were crouching behind a pile of crates. During the confusion of explosions and general unpleasantness, she found a vantage point and took out five more raiders with her pistol before they caught on to her new spot and she had to take cover.

A couple of grenades later, and all the raiders were dead. _Doin' it Spectre style! _Indulging herself in a quick victory dance involving on hand behind her head and the other out in front, Aimee congratulated herself on another _awesome_ victory. "Yeah, I'm the best. You schmucks never stood a chance, and now I'm gonna blow you base up for a lovely evening fireworks display!"

She skipped over to the computers, and found several clever ways to make things go _kaboom_, a personal specialty of hers. Setting the system to kill itself in two minutes, she made _spectre_-time out of their and sneaked back into the main group on the hill, just as the base exploded.

Even Licia's suspicious glance couldn't destroy her enjoyment of the pretty lights and flying shrapnel that was conveniently just out of range to cause any damage to her or the others.

* * *

"What do you mean, their base exploded? Buildings don't just explode for no reason!" Mayor Thompson glared huffily at the group of colonists he'd sent to near certain death only a day ago.

"Well, sir, we took some heavy hits because the bastards had decent numbers and nice guns, so we pulled back to take cover on the hill above. About forty-five minutes later, there was definite fire, smoke and loud noises," Aimee said, smiling innocently at Thompson before going back to poking at James' leg.

"It sure_ looked_ like an explosion, sir, but I guess if you say that buildings don't just explode it couldn't have been," George said, while trying unsuccessfully to hide his smirk.

"If they're gone that's a good thing, I suppose. I'll send word to the Alliance that we took care of the situation as soon as I can," the mayor, probably realizing that he looked like an ass, quickly left Licia's bar, where the group had gathered to check wounds and wonder about what happened.

"Well, Alton, it looks like you'll be able to use it again in a few days, but go easy for a while or you might end up with a limp for the rest of your life," Aimee applied a little bit more medi-gel to the boy's leg, then slapped his back and handed him a beer. "Drink up, your a man now. At least one of those downed raiders was from your idiot grenade run."

"Sorry about that. I'll try to avoid heroics next time," Alton said, but he didn't seem to be very remorseful. _Well, at least he's a bit less twitchy than he used to be._

"Just try to remember that you got George shot, and avoid it from now on. Risking yourself is one thing, but don't put others in danger. You did pretty decent, though," Aimee lightly punched his shoulder and walked over to the bar to get another pint. One of the upsides of this colony was that the soil was exceptionally suited for farming, and one of their favorite things to grow was beer ingredients. Really, if it could be made alcoholic, they were happy to grow it. Other colonies were always ready to buy alcohol with interesting new flavors, anyways.

_The beer is definitely better than those wacky orange-like fruits._

"Hey, Harton, come to the back with me, I've got a new one you should like." Licia called over to her, gesturing from the heavy and sound proof door at the rear of the taproom.

"Yep, one sec," Aimee replied, and knocked back the rest of her drink in one breath before heading over. Once they were behind the heavy door, she smiled wryly at her friend, while raising an eyebrow. "I assume you didn't actually call me back here to talk about beer?"

"Well, I do have a new draught for you to try, but first you can explain what the hell you did to make that place explode." Licia sat down in one of the room's chairs, gesturing for Aimee to do the same. Shrugging, Shepard grabbed a seat and relaxed.

"I just found creative things to do with their power supply and fuel tanks via the computers," Shepard told her, eyes wide and innocent.

"Really, and the raiders just _let_ you walk into their base and access their computers? You said before that you couldn't get into their network from outside with the gear you have," Licia said, knowing that she had caught her friend in a lie and not about to let it go. "You would have had to go in their and incapacitate them at the very least before setting the base to blow up. How the hell did you do that?"

Now she was in a quandary. Licia had become a good friend over the past six months, and knew more about Aimee's past than anybody else on Chasca, though still barely anything. It was getting difficult to keep pretending to be normal, too. There was only so much she could do to hide everything that had happened to her, and claiming a cold had struck every time she couldn't stand to leave her house from being depressed was beginning to make Licia and some others suspicious. She was fairly certain that they thought she had some horrible disease that required at home treatment or something equally terrible. _Really, I'm just wallowing with a tub of ice cream, bottle of whiskey and my favorite book._

She looked at Licia, weighing the pros against the cons. _I'll have to trust someone else with this eventually, I guess. And she is reliable so far. Worst comes to worst, I relocate again. _That was that, she'd now have to tell.

"Alright. First, you need to promise me, _swear_ that nothing I tell you will be repeated to _anyone_. I like my privacy, and don't want to move," Aimee said. "It's nothing illegal, and won't get you into any trouble, by the way."

"Okay. I promise not to repeat anything you tell me about yourself without your express permission. Now what the hell is going on?" Licia shifted impatiently in her chair, looking like she wanted to emphasize her point by banging on something.

"My name is Aimee Shepard."

"The lieutenant's behavior is somewhat worrying, I'll admit. But I don't think we should invade his privacy unless it gets much worse," Garrus said to Tali, who was fidgeting with her hands nervously.

"If his pining gets anyone hurt, I'll knock some sense into him," Wrex said, his words a menacing growl.

"But he looks so sad! He loved Shepard, we all know this! I think he blames himself for her leaving..." Tali looked around at the others anxiously while saying this, gesturing in the general direction of Shepard's quarters.

"Look, guys, I'm sure Alenko will be fine. I've been keeping an eye on him, and except for making me worried that he'll grow his hair long and start wearing eyeliner and skinny jeans if he doesn't perk up soon, he's fine!" Joker said, glad that the others hadn't found out about Kaidan's nightly visits to his ex-paramour's room.

"Alenko and Shepard were very close, and they separation was sudden. I thought that they would never part," Liara said from her corner of the bridge.

The close-knit group of Shenko friends and supporters had gathered on the bridge at Tali's insistence. All of them missed Shepard, but it was becoming increasingly apparent that Alenko was suffering from more than the loss of a friend. He was still performing fine on missions, and no complaints could be made of him professionally, but his quiet air of good nature was almost completely absent. He'd never been the life of the party, but his steady presence had always made everyone more comfortable. Even before Shepard left, he had started to withdraw, but now it appeared that he'd lost hope.

"Listen, we can't do anything to help him. The guy's heart is broken, and unless any of _ your _species have found cures for that, we can't do make it go away," Joker said, gesturing around the room in exasperation.

Liara suddenly went still, and her face went into a dangerously thoughtful expression. _Ah, shit. She's thought of some damn plan and is going to drag all of us into it, isn't she?_ Joker resigned himself to being a part of the meeting, since it wasn't like he could get up and walk out easily, but a pissed of Kaidan was a bit scary, and Jeff didn't want to be on the receiving end of the scariness.

"What if we found Shepard?" Liara asked the others, who had fallen silent when they saw her brainstorm face come on.

They stared at her in surprise for a minute, staying quiet while they thought. Joker watched in despair as each one went from incredulous to thoughtful, realizing that there was no way out. _Damn it, shouldn't it be illegal to pull innocent crippled guys into dastardly schemes against their will?_

"I'll start contacting some people," Garrus said, turning around and heading towards engineering, followed by Tali.

"Me too!" she called as she walked behind the turian.

"Hmm...I can call in some _favors_ if the rest of you don't find anything, but we should something less violent, first," Wrex said, before he turned to leave to.

Liara turned to look at Joker, her eyes deceptively wide and innocent. _ Wonder if she and Shepard got together to practice that look? Them double-teaming scary fellows with that look got us out of some sticky situations in the past._

"Don't look at me like that, T'Soni. You started this mess, you get to explain it to the captain," He said defensively. "And when Kaidan finds out, it's your head on the platter."

"Thank you for your help, Jeff. I know that you look out for all of us," Liara smiled brightly, leaning over to kiss his cheek before leaving with a bounce in her step.

_God dammit._ Joker groaned as he started to decide who to call first.

* * *

Kaidan was once again lying on Shepard's bunk, trying to convince himself that this wasn't at all unhealthy or obsessive. Groaning, he turned to face the wall, trying to get his brain to shut up and let him sleep for a change. After ten more minutes of tossing and turning, he gave it up as a lost cause and hit the light switch before sitting down at the desk and turning on the terminal.

Shepard had left plenty of files on her computer, many of them encrypted. He'd made a habit of torturing himself by opening one every night for the past week, since he first started sleeping in here. He found a decent sized one, and made short work of decrypting it. Feeling slight satisfaction, he quickly pulled up its contents.

And then felt his stomach clench unpleasantly.

* * *

_"Come on, Kaidan! I promise you'll like it!"_

_ He dragged his feet, trying to resist the imploring eyes and insistent hand tugging of his Aimee. She turned the full pout on him when she saw signs of resistance, and he was promptly reminded of who held the real power in situations like this._

_ "I don't really like crowded places, Aimee," He tried again, while feeling his ability to say no shatter._

_ "It's a bowling alley! I've never been in a crowded bowling alley in my life! And it's the wrong time of the day for any kids to be there, so all the customers will be old men with dorky shirts!" Aimee pleaded, tugging his hand futilely. She could pull all day and not overcome his superior strength, which vexed her at times like this. But, she had big violet eyes and pouting lips, all located above the ultimate weapons: breasts on one side, and an ass on the other. No man could resist for too long. Hopefully._

_ She _really_ wanted to go bowling for some reason. Chalk it up to too many explosions in her vicinity scrambling her brains. Kaidan looked at her, unable to keep himself from smiling at her expression. _Damn. And I bet she makes _me_ wear a dorky shirt too.

_"Fine, fine. I'll give up an entire day that could have been spent in bed, with you, and go bowling instead."_

_ "Yay! You're the best!" And suddenly, his arms were full of excited Shepard, who alternated hugging him enthusiastically and kissing him, all while bouncing happily on her toes. "I promise to make it worth your while tonight."_

_ She ran out of the room joyfully, no doubt to fetch _matching_ dorky shirts she'd bought in advance, while Kaidan allowed himself a few seconds of contemplating exactly how she was going to make it worth his while. Feeling his pants start to shrink in front, he forced himself to stop thinking about how great she was in bed, and instead focused on shutting down the various computers in his apartment outside of San Francisco he kept for the rare occasions he was on leave. Fortunately, being a sane L2 in the Alliance Military payed more than well enough to afford a two bedroom apartment. Staying in hotel rooms on leave was just depressing, and staying with his parents was horrifying._

_ This time, Aimee had decided to take his invitation and come home with him. Although he'd made sure to get a bed and sheets for the room that normally doubled as an office, she had been sleeping in his room every night anyways. They'd just arrived on a shuttle yesterday, and already his apartment had picked up little signs of __**Aimee**__. There were new throw pillows in bright colors ("It's too dark and somber in here! You need to be more cheery!"), a new and much more cozy love-seat to replace his beat-up couch that he got second hand from his parents, an arm chair and bookshelf by the window, which now had bright curtains instead of standard shades, and a new comforter for his bed. Somehow, she'd managed to get all this ordered and delivered in the time that it took for him to go see his family and tell them he'd be coming by for dinner in two days with his new "friend."_

_ Kaidan found that he didn't particularly mind all the little reminders that screamed, "Aimee was here!" His apartment had been too dark and somber, along with the rest of his life. Aimee's presence lit up everything, it seemed._

_ "Look! I got dorky shirts for us! Strip for me, manly man!" Aimee came bouncing out of the bedroom, wearing a ridiculous bright red shirt, which had a black stripe down the rights side of the chest, her name embroidered in pink on the black, and an embroidered graphic of the Normandy on the back with the words "Go Team Spectre!" Kaidan supposed he should just be thankful that his name was in white, not pink._

_ "You realize I'm only going to wear this because I get to do very bad things to you later tonight?" Kaidan asked, while unbuttoning his shirt. He felt strange enough in civvies, but his new "Team Spectre" uniform looked like it would be even weirder._

_ Sidling up to him and running her hands up his chest, Aimee grinned mischievously up at him. "Who said we have to wait until we get home to be bad?"_

_ Kaidan's pupils dilated immediately, an insistent throb starting in his pants. Grabbing her wrists with one hand and holding her against him with the other, he took her lips in a hard kiss, nipping her lip before pulling back. "If you don't behave, we won't be leaving this apartment until after I've fucked your brains out."_

_ Shivering delightedly at the husky tone of his "sex-voice," as she called it, Aimee stood on her tip-toes to grab his lips in another kiss. "The bowling alley will still be there in a couple of hours, and you know how much trouble I have with behaving myself."_

_ A second later, she shrieked as he pulled her over his shoulder and carried her into the bedroom after smacking her butt with one hand. Aimee laughed with delight as he tossed her on the bed, and then leaped on top of her, pinning her body beneath his. "Kaidan," she moaned, arching her back to press closer against his body._

_ Forcing himself to push his body away from hers, he started unbuttoning her shirt while attacking her neck with kisses. Aimee's hands clutched desperately at his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin as she writhed under his touch. Losing the capability to form coherent sentences, she moaned loudly as he found a particularly responsive spot on her near the base of her neck. His stubble from not shaving that day added to the delicious sensation that was driving her wild._

_ When her shirt was unbuttoned, Kaidan took a moment to admire her breasts before starting on her jeans. Now her hands were frantically trying to unbuckle his belt and get his pants off, but he pushed them away and did it himself. Yanking her jeans off of her legs a second later, he pushed her back down as she tried to sit up. "Nope, you get to do what I say, when I say it."_

_ "Kaidan!" she exclaimed, as he unfastened her bra and began to slide her panties off at the same time. She clung to him even more desperately than before, her arousal overwhelming her ability to think of anything but her need to have him inside of her __**now**__. Finally he got rid of his boxers and pulled her legs up over his shoulders, pressing his cock against her. "Baby, please!"_

_ Grinning with satisfaction, Kaidan kissed her deeply, still refusing to give her what she wanted. "Tell me what you want, Aimee." He demanded, his voice a sexy growl against her skin as he kissed his way to her nipple._

_ "I---" Aimee started, than gasped as he found his target and started to nibble lightly. Moaning, she brought one hand up to run through his hair, her hips bucking against his._

_ "Tell me!" Kaidan repeated, pulling away to look down at her. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer; her eyes were gazing at him with ravenous lust while she rubbed herself against him frantically._

_ "I want you to fuck me, please, baby!" Aimee gasped out._

_ "Good girl," Kaidan said, grinning victoriously before plunging into her with one swift stroke. She arched against him, screaming with fulfillment as he began to push her towards the edge, still keeping her restrained beneath him._

_ "God, Kaidan! You're so damn good!" She moaned against his skin, as she bit his shoulder while he continued to pound into her. When he pulled out suddenly, she whimpered in disappointment, beginning to pout immediately._

_ "Don't worry, darling, I'm not finished with you yet," he whispered in her ear, before flipping her over and hauling her to her hands and knees. Both groaned as he slid back in, hands grasping her hips while she ground back against him. One of her hands reached back to her clit, as he started to move in her again._

_ Leaning over her and pressing his chest against her back, Kaidan laid kisses along her spine as she babbled his name over and over again. Knowing that they were both close to being finished, he flipped her over once more, pulling her to the edge of the bed and standing with her legs on his shoulders. Holding her neck with one hand and keeping her pinned with the other, he kissed her fiercely while driving her to the edge._

_ "Kaidan...Kaidan!" Aimee screamed again as she broke around him, dragging him over the cliff with her. Their gazes locked as he pounded them through the finish, still moving as she continued to feel waves of pleasure after the climax._

_ A minute later, he let himself collapse on top of her, burying his face in her neck as she kissed his shoulders, biting and licking him while murmuring her satisfaction into his skin. Kaidan grinned as he felt her legs wrap around his waist, securing him against her. When he pushed himself up a bit to look at her, her legs tightened. "You're not going anywhere, mister. This body is mine, and I'm not ready to let go of it yet," She growled playfully at him, clutching his biceps._

_ "Shower time, sweetheart," he said, wrapping his arms behind her back and lifting them both up, with her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned her head against his shoulder lazily, as he carried her into the bathroom. Grudgingly, she unwound herself from him so that he could turn the shower on, and then eagerly followed him in._

_ "You do realize that you still have to go bowling with me, right?" She asked a few minutes later. Kaidan groaned, dragging her in for a hug and hanging his head in defeat. _Foiled again. Guess I'll have to wear the dorky shirt after all. _He sighed, then decided it was a pretty good trade if he could have more sex like that when they got back._

* * *

The picture of them hold a bowling ball together in those ridiculous shirts while grinning triumphantly had dragged memories of that day to the front of his mind. Feeling himself getting aroused over her mere memory, _again_, he shut off the terminal and decided he really needed to get laid.

Throwing himself down on the bed, he resolutely tried to ignore his problem, trying to focus on reciting the decimals of Pi instead. When that did no good, he groaned into the pillow before getting up and heading to the shower.

Fifteen minutes later, he'd given in and taken care of it after cold water didn't work, though he was angry that he had been unable to think of anything but Aimee. _Dammit, this is pathetic. I'm thirty-four years old, not thirteen!_ Grumpily drying off from his shower, he glared at his reflection in the mirror, wondering how the hell he got so hung up on a woman that after a year, he still wasn't over her.

* * *

_Oh, yeah, she was damned perfect, that's how. Not to mention persistent._

_A/N:_ OK, so there's another chapter. I thought I'd give Kaidan some flash back fun, so you all could get more of an idea about my version of Shepard. Again, I'm new to the whole, writing lemon and smut thing, so let me know if it's horrible (or if it sucks..._dirty!_ Sorry, again. I just can't help myself...).

NOTE: I don't particularly like bowling, myself, but so long as you're not trying to actually win, it can be fun. unless you're one of those freaks who's actually good at coordination and stuff...then I guess trying to win won't ruin it for you. Me, I can barely get the ball down the lane sometimes, so I go in planning on goofing around, which is how I imagine Aimee would do it.

Oh, and for the curious, Aimee is a French name, normally with an accent on the first e (but pain in the butt to use that in typing, so, no). I used it for my compositions in French class, though that Aimee had a cat and was bearing a grudge against the guy who bumped into her at the market while she shopped for chocolate. Yeah, that was a fun assignment...I got to make her yell at him in bad French. Anyways, I'm now quite fond of it as a character name.

Anywho, thanks for reading! Thanks in advance for reviewing!


	5. Chapter 4:This Calls for Ice Cream

A/N:Okay. Here it is. Long overdue and not as good as I'd like, but it's a chapter. There's a bit of a long flashback in which nothing much happens, but it does lay groundwork for future scenes and awkward situations I fully intend to inflict on my characters. And Aimee mopes. First, some thoughts to address.

OOC Kaidan? Some may find it a bit odd, but in regards to my lemons in previous chapters: In my experience, most people act radically different in bed than they do in normal life. I know this from talking to friends and other things. In my opinion, Kaidan spends so much time restraining himself, so as not to freak people out at the "scary" L2, that he probably _really_ needs to cut loose in the sack. I'm just saying.

And that's my thoughts on him.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Replaying in again (I want ALL the achievements, damn it!), but still don't own it.

Chapter 4: This Calls for Ice Cream

Licia sat in shock for a full thirty seconds, unable to do anything but gape at her friend. Her mouth opened, as if to say something, but then she couldn't find the words. It would seem that Aimee had broken her friend's brain. _I wonder if she'd notice me getting some more beer._

The other woman snapped out of it a moment later, foiling her plot, and suddenly burst from her chair to pace around the room. Aimee watched bemusedly, not sure if this was a good sign or if she should get out the _nice_ white coat with pretty straps. Licia stopped pacing and turned to glare at Aimee threateningly. "If this is all some _damn_ joke, I will kill you," she said, before dropping back into her chair.

"Well, I'm glad that it isn't a joke then. I'd hate to die without trying your new draught," Shepard said.

"_How_ haven't we recognized you? You're humanity's _god damned hero_!" Licia shouted, gesticulating wildly with her hands. "Seriously, I never even thought, 'gee, Aimee looks a bit similar to someone I saw on the news feed once' let alone thought you might be our damn Spectre!"

"Well, it is a bit surprising that nobody ever figured it out, but then again, I don't think I was expected to choose a farming colony as my vacation destination," Aimee said, smirking slightly. "Most people go to the beach or something. I fix tractors."

Licia stared at her for a minute, then started laughing. She was nearly crying as she tried to stay on her chair, barely able to breathe around her amusement. Aimee decided that this was definitely a very good sign, or a definite call for the white jacket, and started laughing herself. She suddenly realized just how much she had wanted _ someone_ to know. Just one person with whom she didn't have to constantly censor. The relief, coupled with a bit too much alcohol, made her join the hysterical laughter of her friend, though she actually fell off of her chair. Of course, the sight of Aimee, who was apparently the galaxy's favorite hero, rolling on the ground nearly pissing herself with laughter, set Licia to laughing even harder.

"I can't _believe_ we were fooled by long hair and a change of clothes!" She stuttered out around her gales of merriment. "That's just---" she hiccuped, "_pathetic_!"

After a few more minutes to laugh and then recover their sobriety as much as possible, Licia pulled a pint of her new ale for Shepard, handing it to her while she sat on the ground. Aimee grinned appreciatively and took a sip, letting the flavors settle in her mouth for a few moments before swallowing. In her opinion, beer tasting was a few million times more fun than _wine_ tasting: no annoying rich people around, no spitting in buckets, and a much better price.

"'S'good, Licia. What's it called?" Aimee asked while holding the beer up to the lamp and peering at it's mellow amber color.

"Dunno yet. You want to name it?" Licia grabbed herself a pint and sat on the floor next to her, raising her glass in a quick toast.

A few days later, Aimee was in her home-office rifling through the weapons' locker, trying to find her lucky socks, and she found a heavy envelope shoved behind her armor. Pulling it out and heading to her desk, where the light was better, she flipped it over and stared at the handwriting on the front with an empty expression.

Her name was written crisply across the surface, no ink blots or food stains like she always got on writing materials. The dark blue ink was another tell, since he always used the same pens. It was a neurosis of his---if he didn't have _his_ pens on him, he'd go get them before writing _anything_. She remembered seeing him root through his work space, ignoring any writing implements offered by helpful crew members. It was something that made her smile, even while it annoyed her at times.

Now the damned blue ink was mocking her. She didn't know how a letter from him was in her locker. He must have left it amongst her things, and it somehow got hidden in the folds of armor, because she'd never seen it before. Her hands started to tremble slightly as her breath caught in her throat. _I don't want to open this._

She dropped it on the desk, getting up and leaving the room quickly. It was too late, of course. The flood of memories had already begun pulling at her mind and emotions.

_ They had a white picket fence. A black lab rushed up to the gate as she and Kaidan approached, looking appropriately cheerful and friendly for a dog that lives in a house with a _white picket fence_. Aimee felt her stomach clench with nerves as Kaidan lead her through the gate and up the walk. Hell, even before the raid on Mindoir, she hadn't lived in a house like this. There were flowers everywhere: all along the edges of the lawn, crawling up the trellises, pouring over window boxes and standing guard by the door. The house looked like it had been painted recently, the windows were clean and had nice drapes, from what she could see, and the doormat was a cheery shade of vermilion._

_ She stopped in her tracks, unable to take another step._

_ "Babe? What's wrong?" Kaidan quickly took her hands, resting his forehead against hers. His eyes reflected his worry as he gazed down at her._

_ "I'm not sure I can do this, Kaidan," Shepard whispered, feeling a tremor run through her body. This was his home. His family. There were no shadows of war here, and no memorial statue in the spot that he used to play hide and seek. Aimee knew that although there were parts of him broken, none of it was directly linked to this place._

_ "It will be fine. They don't bite, I promise," he whispered back, kissing her gently. When she still trembled, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his body. She pressed close, breathing in his scent. "I know that you're not used to all...this. We can visit them next time, if you want. I'll just go in alone and say you got called back early, no problem."_

_ Aimee smiled into his shirt, letting his soothing voice roll over her as she listened to the rumbles of it in his chest. His heart beat steadied her, letting her relax. There was no way she could back out now. He'd gone and done the perfect thing. "I'll be fine. But thank you," she said, pressing a kiss to the hollow of his throat._

_ Together, they turned back towards the door. She held his hand tightly as he knocked, almost bolting as footsteps approached. _I'm meeting his family. And for some insane reason I convinced him not to say who he was bringing, exactly._ She nearly hit herself over the head. _I really am crazy.

_ "Kaidan! Why on Earth are you knocking? Get in here!" A man who she assumed must be his father grabbed him into a bear hug, pounding his back enthusiastically. Kaidan returned the hug, lifting the shorter man off the ground for a moment. "Hey now, no picking on the old man!"_

_ Both men grinned at each other as they pulled away, and then a blur of black pigtails and pink slammed into Kaidan's midriff, holding onto him tightly. He indulgently let the girl squeeze him for a moment before grabbing her up in his arms and kissing the top of her head. "You're here, Uncle Kaidan! We can finally start eating!"_

_ "Really, Janie, is that all you can think about? You'll hurt my feelings, you know," he tugged gently on her hair as she pulled away, laughing when she stuck her tongue out in response. "Where's your dad, sweetie?"_

_ "Right here, little brother. Come on, Mom's off fussing somewhere, but she'll be out soon enough, so give me a hug before she suffocates you," said his brother, before giving him a quick hug._

_ "I was not fussing, Daniel, now shush! Come here, son," Kaidan's mother hugged him quickly, then held him at arms' length and scrutinized him. "You're wearing color. You never do that. When did you get a girlfriend?"_

_ Aimee blushed as she stood awkwardly, just inside the doorway. Suddenly, everyone was staring at her, and she found that being vomited on by Thorian Creepers had been a more pleasant experience than this. Kaidan pulled her to his side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Family, this is Aimee. My girlfriend. And I chose my own shirt, thank you very much, Mother."_

_ Aimee barely had time to stutter out a hello before she found herself being hugged enthusiastically by her lover's mother. Hesitantly, she returned the hug, giving Kaidan a slightly panicked look. She hadn't been hugged by anyone but him in a very long time. With an understanding smile, he shrugged helplessly._

_ "Oh, it is so good to meet you, although knowing that Kaidan was bringing a girlfriend would have been nice. He just said he was bringing a friend," the other woman smiled happily at her after pulling away, then shot a glare at Kaidan. "Are you a Marine as well, Aimee?"_

_ "Umm...yes, I am. Don't blame Kaidan, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get away long enough to come to Earth," Aimee said, trying to smile and act naturally._

_ Kaidan quickly reclaimed her, holding her snugly against him again. She sent him an appreciative look, which he returned with a smile before looking around expectantly. "So, that's my father Shen, my brother Daniel and his daughter Janie, and this was my mother, Meg. Are we going to eat soon, Mom?"_

_ "You and your stomach," she said fondly, patting his cheek._

_ "Dinner should be done, I'll go grab it. Kaidan, Daniel, help me carry everything into the dining room. Behave yourself, darling," Shen lead his sons to the kitchen, Kaidan casting an apologetic glance back at Aimee as he left._

_ "Just through here," Meg said, leading the way into the dining room. "Kaidan sits over here so you take this seat. Sit down now, and tell me how you got that boy to wear colors? He's worn nothing but black since he was fifteen and started getting those migraines." A slight shadow passed over Meg's expression as she said the last part, but then she smiled brightly at Aimee, who sat hesitantly in the chair._

_ "I don't wear nothing but black, mother," Kaidan said as he walked in carrying a basket of bread and a bowl of stir fried vegetables._

_ "True, he sometimes would wear dark blue, or dark gray as well," Aimee couldn't help but add, forgetting to be nervous for a moment. Meg laughed delightedly, echoed by Daniel as he carried a plate of meat into the room._

_ "You've got him all figured out then? Good, he needs someone to keep him in line," Daniel said, before ruffling Kaidan's hair and sitting down. Kaidan blushed adorably, smacking his brother on the shoulder._

_ "Now, now boys, you're too old for the sibling rivalry. Save it for after dinner, when we can throw you outside," Shen said, placing a bowl of salad on the table and sitting down. The plates of food were passed around, everyone taking food for themselves. For a couple of minutes, the table was silent as the first wave of food was eaten, then conversation picked back up again._

_ "Where did you meet Uncle Kaidan?" Janie stared innocently across the table at Aimee, who shifted uncomfortably. Miraculously, nobody had experienced an "ah ha" moment about her identity yet, and she rather hoped they wouldn't ever._

_ "We met on the Normandy, the ship we both serve on," Aimee told the girl, while everyone listened intently._

_ "Really? So Kaidan's breaking the regs, is he? You dog," Daniel punched his brother lightly on the shoulder. Both Kaidan and Aimee flushed with embarrassment, though technically since Shepard was a Spectre she could break any Alliance regs she wanted, and any Admiral who tried to punish Kaidan would find his or her self dealing with a very pissed off Commander Shepard._

_ "You had better be careful, son. You two get caught and one of you will be transferred. You might get demoted, as well," Shen said, looking concerned._

_ "It's fine. The Normandy is..._different_," Aimee cut in, squeezing Kaidan's hand under the table._

_ "That's right, you're with the Spectre, aren't you? What's she like?" Meg asked, adding more vegetables to Kaidan's plate, and then Aimee's._

_ Aimee blinked in surprise at the motherly move. She suddenly remembered her father doing the same thing, back before...everything. Normally, she tried not to think about these things; the way a family fit together at a dinner table, or a parent forced good habits on their child. It was the sorts of things that everyone complained about, never realizing what it was like to lose that. Being nagged about homework, chores and table manners never seemed precious until her father wasn't there to do it anymore. Then she realized that there are very few people in life who will truly _care_ about you, and take the time to bother you about it. Parents and siblings are the only ones who are supposed to do it no matter what. Hers were gone, and damned if she didn't want to beat the shit out of very whiny teenager complaining that their mom and dad made them come home by midnight, or wouldn't buy them the latest technological toy. The meddling and poking into their lives wasn't an inconvenience, it was love._

_ "Well, she's...very..."Kaidan floundered for a way to describe Aimee without describing her. "She's very...good at her job."_

_ "Yes, of course she is, but that's not much of a description," Shen cut in, giving Kaidan an exasperated glance. Aimee had a hard time restraining a grin as her paramour fidgeted under his father's look._

_ Janie was staring at Aimee for a minute, when she jumped up from the table and ran out of the room. "Janie! Come back here, you weren't excused!" Daniel shouted after her, starting to rise. The child ran back into the room quickly, only she was holding a sheet of paper. Aimee glanced at it, and then noticed it was a picture of the award ceremony where she and her crew were honored for their defeat of Sovereign._

_ Sadly, about the same time Aimee realized what the photo was, Daniel got a good look at it, and did a double take. Shepard heaved a sigh. The next ten minutes was spent explaining that _yes_ she was really the Spectre, and _no_ they weren't trying to confuse anyone. After a sufficient amount of exclaiming, Daniel suddenly started grinning._

_ "So, Kaidan...sleeping your way to the top, huh?" Daniel said teasingly. Kaidan just sighed._

An hour later, Aimee was glaring balefully at the letter, with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a tub of ice cream by her elbow. She was sitting on the couch in her living room, the envelope resting innocently on the coffee table. An old vid played on the screen beyond it, but she found herself unable to think of anything but how nice it would be if the envelope spontaneously combusted before she succumbed to the temptation and read the damned thing. She'd drank a lot of whiskey already, even for her, even for one of her "lost in memories" days.

Unfortunately, the envelope didn't ignite. Instead it mocked her with his tidy handwriting. He was a terribly tidy person, always organized and methodical. Always following the rules. _Except when it came to me...but then, he didn't fully step over the line until_ after_ I was a Spectre, and at that point the rules weren't applicable anymore. That always annoyed me, how he had to have everything tidied away in his mental categories. Everything neat and boxed._

_ I'm not a damn Christmas present, I don't go in a damn box!_

Of course, being drunk off her ass, Shepard started to giggle uncontrollably at the thought of herself in a box, under a Christmas tree with Kaidan excitedly unwrapping her. Which led to thoughts of that time at Christmas when he'd unwrapped her in an entirely different way.

"God dammit!" She drank some more whiskey and ate her damn ice cream.

It was just one of those days.

A/N: Okay, not my best chapter ever. And took way too long.

In my defense, it's nearly finals, and I want a damn A in my math class...I like the math...no A means sad Isabel, and sad Isabel becomes annoying Isabel and then she talks about herself in the third person and drives everybody crazy.

Ahem.

Review please...Or I might become sad about that too.


	6. Chapter 5: Whiskey and Ellipses

A/N: !

Long wait, I know. You can imagine my head exploding if you want (That's what I thought about during class yesterday...either mine, from boredom, or my teacher's, cuz he sucks. Yay college, I dropped and ran screaming to programming which is way more fun anywho).

New chappie, I used inspiration from the totally awesome Kaidan-letter in ME2 (BEST GAME EVER!!!!! I HEART BIOWARE!) for the letter in here, so that's...that. Actually I was having a hard time writing it, that's one of the reasons it took so long, so take note: don't give characters letters if you can't think of what they should say. It felt too cheap to just be all, she reads the letter and is upset, but I won't tell you what it says, HA! So....blah.

Read and review! CHEERS! All you reviewers rock by the way! Like your on a ship in a tsunami...but less likely to die...

Disclaimer: I don't own ME(1 or 2) although I have successfully bought my own copies, no more stealing my boyf's. Aren't I nice? I MAKE NO PROFIT!

Chapter Five: Here's to Liquid Courage!

There was a jackhammer in her skull. An incredibly loud, annoying jackhammer that wouldn't go away. Groaning, Aimee sat up from where she'd fallen asleep on the couch. _Passed out, more like. I want a burger..._Groaning again, she wondered why the jackhammer seemed to be both inside of her skull and somewhere over by the front door.

"Aimee! Open the damn door!" Licia's voice was muffled, but definitely not a product of her hangover. _Ah, somebody knocking on the door in combination with a hangover...what a wonderful way to wake up! I wonder if she realizes that I can kill her and get away with it? I'll just say that she's a terrorist, intent on killing the Council with rubber duckies who have bombs in their stomachs. The devil kind of course, normal rubber duckies are far too nice to kill people. Even alien people._

Shepard managed to drag herself upright, and then stumbled to the door, unlocking it and standing aside as Licia barged in. Turning towards her kitchen, she decided that tea was definitely necessary. And a hamburger with really greasy fries.

"Did you want something?" She asked her friend, while putting the kettle on a burner and dumping some tea leaves in the pot. "Tea?"

"Sure, thanks. And yes, I wanted to find out why you've been hiding since yesterday morning," Licia sat down at the cluttered table, pushing a stack of assorted mechanical doohickeys aside. Aimee grimaced and hoped that she wouldn't have to redo her entire organization system. Just because it was chaotic didn't mean that it was a mess. It just meant that her idea of organized was _different_ from some people's.

The kettle began to make an obnoxiously high-pitched screaming noise, so she turned off the stove and poured the water into the teapot before grabbing a couple of mugs and strainers from the cupboard. Licia grabbed the teapot and a carton of milk from the fridge, while Aimee took the mugs and such, and they headed into the living room. After putting the pot on the coffee table, Licia made herself comfortable on the couch, shaking her head as she caught sight of the empty bottle leftover from Aimee's pity-party.

"Was it really necessary to drink whiskey all day?" She held up the bottle as Aimee settled onto the couch and put the mugs down.

"I like whiskey. Occasionally I over-indulge and get a hangover. I see nothing wrong with that," Shepard poured the tea carefully through the strainers, watching the steam rise as the leaves were caught in the mesh.

"Huh. What's the letter say?" Licia pointed at the envelope that had ended up on the floor, clumsily kicked off the table a show of drunken belligerence. Shepard froze for a moment, then went back to adding a bit of milk to her drink.

"I don't know, I didn't read it," she answered.

"Why not, and who's it from?" Licia refused to let it go, blithely ignoring the death glare she received for her trouble.

"It's from Kaidan, and I'm not going to read it, so piss off!" Aimee snapped, then regretted it. Licia didn't know everything, after all. It's not like the first human Spectre should be running off and sulking because she broke up with her boyfriend, after all, so Shepard didn't advertise that fact.

Not that her disappearing had anything to do with Kaidan, it was just that it might look that way to an outside observer. She just wanted a nice vacation, and a break from the media attention. No geth out here yet, either, which was always a plus.

Though they made awesome sparky-sparky-booms when she killed the fuckers. Not many enemies exploded on death, unless she used grenades, but flesh and blood types were messy explosions, not cool explosions like the geth.

"Wait...Kaidan as in the L2 on the Normandy, right?" Licia was apparently unaware of the dangers involved in pissing off Spectres who could frame her for conspiring to murder people with rubber duckie explosives. "Why don't you want to read a letter from him?"

"Because he's an ass. Stop asking so many questions and drink your tea," Aimee answered, taking a good swallow of her own drink. Licia continued to stare at her, and Shepard could practically see the gears moving in her mind. _This is the problem with friends. They get all concerned, and sometimes they see through your bullshit. Stupid friends._

"You're in love with him," Licia stated, making Aimee choke and fall into a spectacular coughing fit which only ended when her friend pounded on her back and she could breath properly again. "Jeez, it's not that hard to figure out. Nobody writes personal letters on paper anymore, not unless it's a love letter. No need to be so surprised."

"I am _not_ in love with him!" Aimee protested loudly, after regaining her ability to speak and breath.

"Then why did getting a letter from him make you have a wallowing session in which you hid inside all day and drank an entire bottle of whiskey plus God knows how much beer?" Licia asked. Aimee shifted guiltily, remembering the multiple empty glass bottles she'd put in her recycling unit. Obviously, courting alcohol poisoning wasn't the best move, but it was a lot more fun than being sober _and_ depressed.

_To spill, or not to spill...that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler for the Spectre to deny, deny, deny, or to...too much Shakespeare, dammit. I really am off my rocker. I guess that's what happens when I insist on watching old vids of his plays all the time. Off topic, right. To tell Licia or not._ Aimee stared into her tea, wishing she could just brainwash Licia into forgetting all about this.

"Come on, Aimee. You disappear into your house for two to three days every few weeks, and consume massive amounts of chocolate, cookie dough and burgers. Apparently alcohol as well. Obviously, you need someone to talk to."

Sigh. "Fine, fine, fine. There may have been a time that I slept with him. Maybe he claimed to love me, and maybe I believed him, but that in no way means that _I_ love _him_! In fact, I believe it might even qualify as me taking advantage of my position as his superior officer!" Aimee grumbled. "I could be court marshaled, or something. I think. Not really, though, cuz we didn't do the dirty till after I was a Spectre."

Licia waited.

"Damn idiot was always too obsessed with rules, and conduct. Flirted with me in that sneaky, 'I'm just a shy nerd-boy with a crush, but don't worry I'll back off if you want' way that evil men do. Didn't ever do anything until he could get away with it, and even then, only when there was a ninety percent chance that our deaths were imminent."

Aimee huffed, glaring at the letter which lay innocently on the floor. "Everything had to be in a box with him. Had to fit in, and get along with all his other boxes. Always pushing me to let _him_ in! I wasn't the one putting him in damn boxes!"

Licia scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, just in time for Aimee to burst into a bout of incredibly humiliating tears. Leaning on her friend, she wondered how the hell she became the sort of person to be all tore up over a failed relationship that ended over a year ago.

"Stupid jerk. He was an ass towards the end, always so damned rational too. I hated that! Logical people suck. I almost thought I could do it, though. Be in a normal, mature relationship, with a normal, mature man. But he took it so damned personally!"

Licia held her as she cried, breaking down completely. It had been a long time since she let herself indulge in more than a couple of quick tears. She'd only really cried on the night they broke up, when he actually left. Just gave up, instead of realizing that when she said 'get out' she really meant 'fight for me.' It's not like he didn't know she was screwed up in the head from the beginning, there was no reason for him to think she'd be sane just because they were dating.

_Damn. Now I'm feeling all girly._ Shepard sat upright again, wiping her tears away, and picking up her tea again. "Thanks."

"No problem. You know, you should read the letter," Licia pointed out. She was right, of course. The damn thing wouldn't stop mocking her until she read it. But she was barely holding onto sanity as it was. Kaidan had the power to destroy her, if he wanted to. He never seemed to realize it, of course, but she knew it, and eventually she gave into her fear. _Or, you know, he's an ass and I'm better off without him. That's a much better way to look at it. Not my fault at all, only he's to blame, and I'm an innocent pony._

"Come on, it won't kill you," Licia prodded, waving the envelope under her nose. Aimee tried to ignore it, and got hit in the face by it for her efforts.

"Fine! Give me the damn letter!"

BLAHblahBLAHblahBLAHblah pretty pony flowers! pretty pony flowers! BLAHblahBLAHblahBLAHblahBLAH

_Aimee,_

_I am still not certain what happened. I wasn't expecting you to blow up that day, and I wasn't trying to make you angry or start a fight. Look, I'm not going to apologize for telling you the truth. I can't support you when you do things that are unhealthy or dangerous without any rational reason._

_I didn't want to break up. I guess...we just weren't what I thought we were. I guess...you just..I don't know. I thought one thing, and obviously you thought another, enough said._

_But...I want you to know that I loved you. I still do...and...maybe someday when we've had some time to think...I don't know. Just, don't hate me?_

_I love you. And I miss you._

_-Kaidan_

_PS: You don't have to ever mention this letter, or talk to me again, you know. Unless...you want to. You know._

BLAHblahBLAHblahBLAHblah pretty pony flowers! pretty pony flowers! BLAHblahBLAHblahBLAHblahBLAH

Liara opened the message from her friend in the Asari commandos, and smiled victoriously at the contents. She sent out a quick message to the others, and raced off to meet them. _We're coming Shepard!_

Several hours later, the captain was persuaded to go check on a colony on Chaska, which had recently repelled a bandit attack. Several of the crew reported that Wrex had seemed unusually cheerful, while Garrus was cackling gleefully every few minutes while polishing the armor of the Mako. Incidentally, everyone was very careful to avoid them, some going so far as to leave a room if either of the strangely behaving killing machines entered.

BLAHblahBLAHblahBLAHblah pretty pony flowers! pretty pony flowers! BLAHblahBLAHblahBLAHblahBLAH

A/N: Holy _CRAP_ I took waaaaaay too long to update!

Mad skillzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz at procrastination, don't be jealous. I'm just naturally talented.


	7. Chapter 6: Conspiracy!

A/N: Short chapter. But I needed to fill a space before the next two, plus I haven't updated in a while. And I just finished ME1 as a hardcore Adept and am now replaying ME2 as a hardcore adept...it's very exciting.

Achievements are like pokemon-Gotta catch 'em All. Which means I am in physical and emotional pain as I force my character to cheat on Kaidan for this playthrough. Only this one. No others. If I wanna have a character bang Garrus or Thane, I'll start a new character, not an import, dammit.

Kaidan's just so much better!

Oh! notice: New summary, as bad as the original I believe. Anyone want to submit new summary ideas via review? Chosen summary gets mention in next chappie posted after...choosing...awkward sentence.

I need a better summary.

DISCLAIMER: Too many lights, too much noise.

Chapter Six: Conspiracy!

Kaidan reluctantly pulled his armor on, wishing the captain hadn't finally grown a pair and started giving orders. The colony has successfully repelled the bandits. What the hell was he supposed to do? _'Recon at the site of enemy encampment. They may have been working for someone.'_ Working for who? This didn't make any sense.

Liara skipped up next to him at the airlock, literally _skipped_. She'd been much too cheerful lately. Along with Garrus and Wrex, while Joker seemed to be strangely uninterested in spying on him lately. He could have sworn he heard Wrex _humming_ a couple of days ago. "What is going on with all of you? Is Chakwas dosing the water?"

"Garrus mentioned that the local brewery has a selection of beverages that turians and quarians can safely consume, award winning, in fact. I believe we are going drinking tonight." Tali appeared from around the corner, seeming strangely fidgety. "That's why I'm in a good mood. No other reason. In fact-"

"Ready to go, Tali? Oh, Alenko, I didn't see you there," Garrus interrupted Tali's babbling, draping an arm around her shoulder. "You don't look happy about visiting the colony, Lieutenant. Everyone else is looking forward to our shore leave here."

"Forgive me for not looking forward to examining the bandit remains."

Garrus sighed, and started whispering in Tali's...ear area, apparently giving up on Kaidan, who rolled his eyes, and stepped through the first set of doors.

_"Equalizing interior pressure with exterior atmosphere. Logged: Joker is ashore. Ensign Marley has throne." _Normandy's VI chimed as the group exited.

"Joker, how many times do I have to tell you not to hack the VI? Your seat is not a throne, and our ship is not your toy." Kaidan sent an exasperated glare at the pilot, who shrugged and hobbled off with Liara, who was helpfully letting him drape his arm around her shoulders.

_When did everyone decide to start fraternizing? Tali and Garrus, Joker and Liara...next thing, Wrex will be getting it on with the Rachni Queen._

"Ah, Harton. Good of you to stop by," Thompson looked up from his office terminal, as Aimee leaned against the doorframe, looking bored.

"What do you want this time?" She asked boredly.

"Well, as mayor, it's my duty to ensure the safety of our town. I was hoping you could go look at the bandits' _lair_ and see if you could find anything of use. Credit chits, spare parts. Anything to help us recoup our losses. I'll pay you, of course," He glanced up briefly, then refocused on his screen.

"Fine. I'll take my truck out there now."

"Oh, are you Aimee's friends? I blackmailed the mayor to send her out there, how are things on your end?" Licia hurried to lock the door before anyone could follow the war heroes inside, turning back to talk with them.

"Kaidan's on his way. If anyone asks, I am an innocent bystander in all this. All of you took advantage of a cripple," Joker said.

"But, Jeff, you're the only reason the captain agreed to come, and send the lieutenant out there! How can we show our _appreciation_ if you refuse to take credit?" Liara asked in dismay, laying her hand on his arm and leaning forward earnestly.

Wrex grunted in amusement. Tali suddenly realized that Garrus still had his arm around her, and turned her face to stare up at him. Joker tried _not_ to stare down the front of the low-cut shirt Liara was wearing. Licia suddenly realized that Aimee's friends were _strange_.

A/N: so, not a very long or good chapter, but there will be confrontation chapter after next. Next chapter will be flashback to reasons for the break up...any requests?

Review, if you wanna...or not, you know, cuz I _totally_ don't care.

At all.

PS: Submit your summary ideas via review...oh, but then you'll _have_ to review...such a pity.


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